"Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so take courage and do it." (Ezra 10.4)
When reading this verse, it seems so easy to think that others are out there to support me and to be there for me, but living in the moment, I feel alone. Being at camp has opened many doors to new friendships and figuring out who I am as a person, but being away from my mom still has not gotten easier. I guess I will never truly figure out how to live without her, but maybe one day I will.
Today was my day off, and I had a lot of time to just think. Being away from the campers and the business of camp has been good physically but not so much mentally. I think I like being busy all the time with other things because it does not give me the opportunity to think about life at home, life without my mom, and the real world. I hate that I feel this way, but I like not having to worry about all of that stuff just for the moment.
Not one day goes by where I am not terribly missing my mom, my sister, and family, but I have to get through that to get my job here at camp done which I love tremendously. But sometimes it gets so hard to hide back the tears from everyone. I build it all up, and then explode by myself. I hate for people to see me down, see me crying, and broken, because I always want to be that perfect strong person for everyone.
I appreciate everyone who has been there for me, reads my posts, and gives me inspiration each and everyday to just be myself. I do not know what I would do without my friends and siblings. Each day I thank God for blessing me with wonderful people who want to care for me. I wonder sometimes, 'Do I deserve this?' and 'Are they truly my friends?' but for all those who know me, it's super hard for me to trust people. So for those who I have let into my life, thank you for staying by my side and being there for me.
Life will never get easier as we get older because there will always be rough times, but the way we handle those rough times will be what defines us as human beings. I am so blessed to be around such awesome people, and I could not imagine my life right not any other way. It may be hard, but I rather live this hard life with people that love me than to live an easy life by myself!!
-Erika Watson
Hey Sweet girl! I hope that camp allows you to forget about some of the hard times you are facing. God knows exactly what you need and I pray that sooner or later he will give you the desires of your heart! :)
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