Why?

Have you ever asked yourself the question.. WHY? Lately I have been thinking about my place here on this earth, and why I am here. Since my mom passed, there has been so much thrown at me that I haven't been necessarily catching. On the outside, I try to be the best that I can be and try to make it look like I have my life in order, but I don't.. It seemed to work when my mom was alive, because whenever there was a problem, I would just call her and she had the answer; who do I call on now? Life has been tough, with my faith, friends, and family.
In my heart, I know that God is always there whenever I need him, in the good and the bad, but lately I feel alone. It gets harder each and every day to put on a smile and a montage that everything is okay. People say that you can't carry the weight all on your own, but it's hard these days to find those who can help. Especially with me, I am not one to ask for help or to accept it because I feel like a bother to others. No matter how many times people tell me I'm not, I will never be fully convinced.
Mom leaving this Earth has to be the biggest struggle of my life. They say it gets easier as time goes by, but I want to know who 'they' are, because for me, it gets harder as the days go by. Her not being here to reassure me that everything is going to be okay, has been the toughest thing for me. That has to be where the questioning of all the 'whys' in my life come from.
These are the reasons why I want to travel, get out, and make something of my life. I want to do something that will help others, and to reassure them that everything is going to be okay, even if it's not for me. I want to go teach in low poverty ares, third world countries, and travel the world in hopes to do something new and different with my life. I feel like staying here reminds me of the bad, what use to be and never will. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and friends here, but I feel like there is something more out there for me.
For now, I am here, in Oxford studying Elementary Education. I have God, the love of my friends and family, and the faith that I can get through anything. As long I keep reminding myself of these three things, I can get through anything.

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." (Philippians 4.13)

Erika Watson