Relay For Life: Hope, Faith, and Courage..

"Hope is not a dream, but a way of making dreams become reality."

Family Is What Matters MOST!!
My grandmother, aunt, and mom

This past friday, March 25, I attended Relay for Life at Ole Miss.  I was so graciously asked to tell my story of my mom fighting cancer along with Margaret Ann Morgan who also lost her mom just a few months earlier.  Saying yes was not an easy thing to do, but I knew it was the right thing to do.  Getting in front of people and telling them my personal life of my mom, how she passed, and how I am coping with her gone, was definitely not a walk in the park; I would say it had to be one of the toughest things I have ever done.  But with the support from my family, friends, and my Ole Miss family I did it.  I told the trials and tribulations that face me and my family during my mom's battle with cancer, and how it was the hardest thing to say goodbye to my mom, my best friend. At times I felt alone up on stage with everyone watching me, but I knew my mom was standing right next to me.
It was so awesome to see the support of everyone that night.  I truly could not have done it with out them.  Of course there were times where I was crying and just wanted to run off stage in tears, but I knew that my story had to be told in order to help others out there.
In the end, I know that everything happens for a reason and that God has a plan out there for all of us.  That plan might not be to all of our expectations, but its something that we hall have to have hope and faith in.  God's works are amazing, and we should never take Him for granted!!

This song is one of my mom's favorite songs.. It's not who you knew, it's not what you did, it's how you lived!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7HFk6flUOQ

Why?

Have you ever asked yourself the question.. WHY? Lately I have been thinking about my place here on this earth, and why I am here. Since my mom passed, there has been so much thrown at me that I haven't been necessarily catching. On the outside, I try to be the best that I can be and try to make it look like I have my life in order, but I don't.. It seemed to work when my mom was alive, because whenever there was a problem, I would just call her and she had the answer; who do I call on now? Life has been tough, with my faith, friends, and family.
In my heart, I know that God is always there whenever I need him, in the good and the bad, but lately I feel alone. It gets harder each and every day to put on a smile and a montage that everything is okay. People say that you can't carry the weight all on your own, but it's hard these days to find those who can help. Especially with me, I am not one to ask for help or to accept it because I feel like a bother to others. No matter how many times people tell me I'm not, I will never be fully convinced.
Mom leaving this Earth has to be the biggest struggle of my life. They say it gets easier as time goes by, but I want to know who 'they' are, because for me, it gets harder as the days go by. Her not being here to reassure me that everything is going to be okay, has been the toughest thing for me. That has to be where the questioning of all the 'whys' in my life come from.
These are the reasons why I want to travel, get out, and make something of my life. I want to do something that will help others, and to reassure them that everything is going to be okay, even if it's not for me. I want to go teach in low poverty ares, third world countries, and travel the world in hopes to do something new and different with my life. I feel like staying here reminds me of the bad, what use to be and never will. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and friends here, but I feel like there is something more out there for me.
For now, I am here, in Oxford studying Elementary Education. I have God, the love of my friends and family, and the faith that I can get through anything. As long I keep reminding myself of these three things, I can get through anything.

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." (Philippians 4.13)

Erika Watson